Happiness comes in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes it is packed and sold as a pill named after a girl called Molly. Disney sold us the dream that happiness rests in finding your one true love; in real life, it doesn’t always go according to script. In recent years, social media has become a marketplace of what life is supposed to look like. It sells us false variants of reality. That online couple who posts cute videos and pictures. We see the comments, the likes, how they are adored online; you adore them too. We like what we see, soon enough we want it. The parasitic impression starts to live rent-free in our subconscious.
All Things Little and Small
Wanting to score the big goal is not a bad idea, but soon enough we begin to forget the little things that made us happy. As time goes on we isolate that “digital happiness” in our minds and it becomes a hit-or-miss driving force—you refuse to take anything but what you have set your mind on. This is like watching a YouTuber react to tasting Nigerian Jollof rice. Due to his positive reaction, you decide to starve yourself until you eat Nigerian Jollof without knowing if you would enjoy it—honestly, you would, but you get the point. The hangover effect is that after tasting the jollof rice, you begin to wonder if it was worth starving yourself for. You could have also eaten along the voyage and still get to eat the rice at the end. But somewhere along the line, we forget that all things little and small matter. On a small note, on Festive days, it is okay to starve so you have enough space in your stomach for Jollof rice, don't play with it.
Happiness has no chemical formula or structure unless it is Dopamine which consists of a catechol structure. Happiness is like the wind we feel in our faces when we are riding a bicycle downhill. While the wind rushes through our skin, it feels nice, but as we slow down so does the wind, and so does the feeling—Happiness is up and down.
As we go through life we find people, places, art, hobbies, that make us feel genuinely happy. We tend to try and hold onto that happiness for as long as we can; we add the song to our favorite playlist, we call our favorite person when we need them, we eat what we crave. As soon as our happiness batteries go low, we seek out things to help recharge, to refill our happy jar.
As our roots begin to deepen, as our eyes begin to truly see, and as our soul begins to experience life, we find out that happiness is subjective. What lights up Julia’s smile is necessarily not what fills Vicky up with butterflies. Most times, when we realize this, we are already far down the rabbit hole of substantial sadness and unfulfillment. After wasting time, we begin to hastily rally what we have left trying to set priorities straight—peace of mind and happiness. The big irony is that we abandon everything that makes us happy in pursuit of happiness; crazy isn't it?
Freefall
The bravest persons on earth are not those who climb the highest mountains or those who jump from the skies, it is those who are willing to risk getting a second heartbreak. To try to be happy is risking the possibility of being sad. Most times people venture out to look for happiness, and they do find it in its purest form—Love. The greatest poets and writers have tried to encapsulate what love is, but it can never fully be tamed on paper.
I dare say that Love is a free fall, never knowing when you will hit the floor. Love is.
I say Love is. Because, love is everything it can be, thus, Love is. After experiencing something so beautiful, the customary but yet stunning happens, you finally hit the floor, and shatter into melancholy pieces. Most times people don’t give the chance to weather love again; they do not risk being happy because it could make them sad. Is happiness worth fighting for? Is it just some over glorified idea or a bunch of chemicals that make you feel nice?
When are you happiest?
Comfort is often equated to being happy because when we are comfortable we tend to be delighted. Another variant of happiness is financial security; knowing you can afford essentials whenever you want. Happiness can also be the absence of worry. But, what happens when we have money, the best partners, the care and support of friends, and still can’t fill the sentimental cavity in our chest that makes us feel wholly empty.
We know this story too well, where we see people living their best lives on camera but in reality, are not happier than a high schooler with a D minus on his Science test.
What more do we want? How much more are we going to pour into that void?
I feel happiest when I am in environments that let me express myself without fear of being wrong. I feel happiest when my dreams feel valid but I have learned that I do not have to wait for my dreams to come true. I choose to be happy every step of the way—I create my own happiness in the little things of life.
The moment my happiness depends on an entity, I lose my power to create something from nothing, because that is what happiness is. Happiness is perfectly nothing; it is a blank canvas, it is whatever you choose it to be. However your portrait comes out, let it be yours.
What if your happiness is someone else? What if your sole joy comes from just being with that one person, What happens when they walk away?
Self-worth
The prescribed system laid out in life is: make money, have a career, and a family. This was what we were taught to think of as our sources of happiness, this is what we were told would bring joy and fulfillment to us. But, there was a catch that was left out, which is, that particular dream doesn’t fit everyone’s shoe size. Your happiness is unique to you.
Self-worth has often been measured by comparing what we have versus what we do not have. Money, status, and reputation have become a yardstick to measure anyone worth anything—that's the way life works. The absence of society's currency for self-worth has left some in a black pit of the depressing feeling of worthlessness. It is easy to get lost in the feeling of not measuring up to your neighbor, but what are you worth to yourself?
If you are being looked down on, are you going to join the audience to look down on yourself too? Only you should determine how much you are worth. If you feel it is not enough, it should be because you feel so and not because you want to measure up to people that you think are looking at you. Be the best version of yourself for yourself.
Most times we tend to live by other people's declarations and then we forget what is enough for us. We begin to go above and beyond to satisfy the crowd like you are on stage. We keep acting and never know when to stop. Soon we drown in the character created for others, losing our original identity to a sea of public endorsement, gratification and outlooks; we forget to be just ourselves.
Happiness is an expression of you. When you lose sight of who you are, everything becomes a semblance of joy—a mere mimicry of the real diamond. We think we are happy, we convince ourselves even when we aren’t. Most times the pressure of the act, or a fleeting taste of true happiness, breaks the thick ice, letting regret pour through like hot lava melting everything in its way. We have merely been living but haven’t been alive.
“Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life”. —Omar Khayyam
Really nice ....and inspiring too....we do need a reminder to be happy every now and then.❤️
Thanks for this write up. It's inspiring and impressive. Cheers to greater height bro!!